If you want to lie, be a good liar. Do not allow others the chance to expose you. No, I am not conniving them. However, by leaving loopholes around, the truth that you lied hurts much more than the lie itself.
If you love someone, pluck your courage instead of pretending to be nonchalant. It hurts to be confused between knowing & feeling.
If you are a soccer player but like diving instead, why not consider a career change? It is an waste of rollnaldo's exceptional talent to be on the field instead of being in the pool.
While the NS guys are having their block leave, I'm having a blogging-block now. (literally)
Wahaha then this entry shall be answering lj since I feel like babbling but not willing to be constrained by the tagboard space. heh or perhaps i just want to put down what she wrote (that struck a chord with me)..
memories
those memories insinuated themselves into my consciousness again.
these are days you sit on the floor or on the bed with no one but you and a lifetime. well, at least a week's worth of thoughts, of true emotions flood in and you can't take it. You just can't. Then you sob.
..
emotions demand so much time. sometimes you just chuck it aside for other distractions. but in the dark of the night when u are all alone, they come flooding back. they engulf and suffocate you. eventually you fall asleep. from the mental and physical exhaustion of all that thinking and feeling.
..
implicit memory. like when we know how to cycle, we can never forget. when someone loses his/her memory, they'll still know how to read and write. don't you ever wish you can lose a part of your memory? because we tend to remember too much.
and memory becomes your partner. you nurture it. you hold it. you dance with it.
but isn't memory the most cruel of them all...
hmm probably cruel because both the exhilarating and melancholic are co-existing in a single frame anyhow not too long ago you were the one needing to do all the essays & enjoying the holidays.. now is my turn!! yep gonna be nus (psychology which I have no idea why it's in popular demand.. perhaps as always I have good taste heh at least let me see something positive out of this) for me.. & thus, no more ping pong *misses the cock-cock sound* I know it appears to be crass but that's the sound made by my chang jiao. Think we will surely not miss the chance to go down and support our juniors for that annual 'A' division match (eagerly-anticipated btw 2 certain schools)
Received a message which reflected memories & thoughts. Realisation dawned. Everyone goes through certain motions. The difference is the timing and how. Hey, things may happen but that does not mean you have the prerogative to behave in an uncontrolled, emotional manner. Reasons enough though not sufficed to be excused. Perhaps things + contentious happenings & more emotive issues just cooks up the perfect platform..
Time now: 4:20am. Nah, I'm not losing sleep.. just up for a game of soccer (Chelsea vs Porto). Chelsea 0-1 Porto.
2 march back to school once again. Received several 'gifts'.
First up, this cutesy gloves from xiaxia (lol if you are reading this). Yea man, I like giving nicks to people. It gives a sense of identity (even privileged) that only you or a group of people can call. Some are for fun while others are what you really mean. Anyway, see how easily I can digress.
useful for my perpetual cold hands.
2) decorated photo-frame from psychotic juniors (as they called themselves) 3) laminated power card done by the class (haha actually by a creative few) 4) a CD of class photos compiled by ex-CT rep
5) a slip of paper. No guess for what it is. Putting in effort is not enough.. you need to put in your heart too. Likes and performance still go hand in hand.
Chelsea 1-1 Porto. Lookin' back, it's been around a decade since I watched my first soccer match. A looooooooooong time ago.. From a weekly limited dose on channel 5 to the full, comprehensive list of matches on the expensive sports channels on cable. Wanted so much to play the game then. When I finally did, it wasn't what I expected. Don't get me wrong.. Playing is still fun. However, I didn't like the off-the-field training (ok, ok. I'm just a lazybum) & something else was missing (though I'm not really sure what). Street soccer next??
Want to pursue psychology. It's like the only course I am interested in. No more science!! (okay, naive-thinking) Still stubborn in the choices made. However, having a goal in mind & a direction beats making a decision based on which course has lesser cons. Wanted to indulge further and say how much someone (yes you who perhaps don't know the extent) mean to me. Alas, common sense prevails. Like before, dear words spurred by feelings are overwritten by the self-conscious.
Final score: Chelsea 2-1 Porto.. through to the quarter-finals. Time for me to catch some winks before starting the boring morning..
"Why not continue working here till then?? You should, you know. It's easy & you can have the afternoon free.."
*aghasted*
I have been waitin' for 31 March to come ever since my first week there. Btw, I'm talking about my morning job. I think it's a miracle that I am actually gonna stay for 2 months -- all because of contractual obligations. It's not that I mind alot.. just that the job's kinda routined (Shall sidetrack for a while: I am more of a paradox that I supposed I am. I'm easily bored of the same thing yet I dislike changes. Perhaps it's because not everything/everyone can be a constant but once it is & the constant doesn't remain a constant, it's gonna be one big slap on the face..) and it's almost everyday which means that I can't sleep in & wake up whenever I desire anymore. okay this sounds rather pampered
I hate to leave my comfort zone. Yet, in the three jobs (plus the TOUCH development with auntie) that I did/have been doing so far all required much interaction & iniative to reach out to people. Not just people, but rather strangers. Now I probably have to talk to about 40 new strangers daily(just for this morning job). That's quite a feat for someone who would rather listen to a convo and just participate selectively (when dealt in a socialising situation). Tada.. take note that there's a difference between socialising and communicating. God works in wondrous way to build me up
CNY '07 Today is the 15th (and last day)of the lunar new year. As if most people here would care or bother especially when we only have 2 days of PH while China has 7(!!) holidays to celebrate..Somehow I think this cny has great significance:
What a 'great' way to start off this festive season with 2 bad dreams. It shudders to even think or share.. definitely not something you want to initiate a conversation about on the first day
This year reunion dinner was on a much much much smaller scale.. even the variety of food too. Of course, there is no escaping of my favourite ayam pangguan:
the picture doesn't do justice to the food. But I can tell you the shiokness is just out-of-this-world.
& how can there be no prawns on the table for my family??
Big. succulent asam PRAWNS!!
Even with all these food & preparations, I know cny will never be the same again. Not since 27 August '06..
Perhaps it is the coming of 18. With all due respect to this tradition, however it isn't difficult to see why some people would rather bi nian. Gone are the days where this festive season is for eating certain delicious dishes, wearing pretty clothes & getting ang pows (haha ya it used to be but now no longer). To put it simply, the drawing power has diminished. & sometimes, when you are so used to being the youngest, it's difficult to initiate the kind of conversations that you are so used to just listen while finding the next goodie to feast upon lol..
Finally, I get to eat my kueh rose on the second day.
My favourite goodie.
She used to make this herself. She was a great cook of many shioky-licious dishes (some that I didn't even managed to try). My uncle recently told me how spicy and special her otah was.. .. if only I did get to eat that. On this second day, one of the conversations was about her kaya & the recipe. Then I begin to think of some of her recipes that have been passed down to the next generation (some have been lost I guess).. what if one day nobody (of my generation) in this family can reproduce those food. No more gula melaka, popiahs (,etc). I remember that I like rolling my own popiahs, adding lotsa ingredients. It's been a long long while..
Perhaps this is my new year resolution. Not to learn how to cook-cook ( but just be able to cook those dishes).. at least just to make sure her legacy will not be lost. I would rather just eat but I know this is the only thing I can do for her & for us
It may have been an innocuous banter: I didn't wish an elder(haha though not very old) XNKL verbally. On my part, an sms seems to suffice especially since I didn't mass send that message nor did I feel the festive season (wait for my next post on that..)
Yes, sometimes we think that 'Hey! I sent you the message' meaning we didn't forget.. & thus, we will never know what a call would have meant to the other party. We unwittingly substitute casual(as understood by someone else) for seriousness(that we actually intended it)
Just using an example to generalise or rather to emphasise because assimilation is a tool for those who can't hit the bullseye straight with an arrow but choose to go in a round-a-bout way(which may mean never to reach that red dot).
As I have blogged before (the scene about the mother and daughter on the bus), different interpretation, different understanding; different people, different standards.
A simple word like "okay" can have so many different meanings while being expressed and read.
'Are you ok?' 'Ya, ok.' (continued in the heart: 'ya right!')
"Okay" is a vague word. Get RID of it.. .. okay sure ;)
it's okay if you can't see the road ahead, just make sure God is still in sight!!
In His time, in His time,
He makes all things beautful in His time.
Lord, please show me every day,
As You're teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say, in Your time.
In Your time, in Your time,
You make all things beautiful in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring.
May each song I have to sing
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time.
Words and Music by Diane Ball
Th3 b@bY iN mI
vette
15 Sept 88
child of God
likes: zzz
dislikes: waa waa
